Rain
by Terra Fire
Summary: The rain can hold pain and anger. It can feel love and hatred, each drop showing a memory and a person...


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Saiyuki, or any other characters.   
  
  
  
**Rain**  
  
  
  
_The rain can hold pain and anger. It can feel love and hatred, each drop showing a memory and a person. The rain is equally beautiful and ugly. It's both quiet and loud at the same time. The rain can show its emotions, yet hide so much…_  
  
  
  
"Sanzo-"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"But Sanzo, I'm hun-" Goku didn't get to finish, for a giant paper fan was brought upon his head.   
  
"Ow, Sanzo, that hurt," Goku rubbed his head.   
  
"It was supposed to. Now sit down and shut up," Sanzo yelled and did almost a full turn to look in the back of the jeep.  
  
"Now, now," Hakkai said with that plastered calmness of his. One could tell that he was a bit agitated. "A town is coming up soon, so we don't have to camp out in the rain," as soon as he finished, thunder rang out through the starless night. Both Hakkai and Sanzo disliked the rain for their own reasons, and wasn't keen on the idea of being out in it.   
  
"The faster we get there the better," Gojyo said from the back seat. "Monkey boy's really starting to annoy me." He really wasn't, but even starting an argument with Goku was better than watching two people get depressed over something as petty as rain.   
  
"Hey, I didn't do anything!" Goku yelled back, also glad for some sort of distractment.   
  
"Exactly, you just sit there on your lazy ass and do nothing!" the argument was pointless and they both knew it.  
  
"I suggest you two stop now," Sanzo said with a calm but deadly tone of voice. He didn't even look at them as another loud rupture tore apart the sky.   
  
"Damn psycho monk," the red head said under his breath, hoping for the said man to something, but nothing came. He was even hoping for Hakkai to be the peacekeeper. Before he could start with Goku again, a small town came into view and they drove to the nearest inn.   
  
"Four rooms please," Hakkai, the speaker of the group, said with his ever fake smile.   
  
"Can't, only have two rooms left," the man at the desk said, obviously drunk.  
  
"That's fine," Sanzo said, already annoyed with the drunkard. Though, at this point, he was annoyed with everyone.  
  
"Here ya' go," he said and gave a key to Sanzo and one to Hakkai. "Oh, and we stop serving food in ten minuets," he said, but was only talking to Goku, seeing as everyone was walking up the stairs.  
  
"Hey, wait for me," Goku said, but it fell on deaf ears. He mumbled something to himself as Hakkai opened one room and went in, fallowed by Gojyo. Goku stopped. That meant had had to share a room with Sanzo. An overly cranky Sanzo, whom, when it rained, was in an even worse mood. Not that he minded sharing a room with him, not in the leas bit. It was just that he was more prone to get hit and yelled at by the temperamental monk. Taking a deep breath, he walked in the room. Sanzo was sitting by the large window with a cigarette in his mouth. No surprise there, Goku thought. For someone who didn't like the rain, he sure watched it an awful lot.   
  
"Sanzo-"  
  
"Shut up," the monk said to the heretic. Goku squelched, he'd only wanted to say hi.  
  
"We should go and some food," the monkey tried again.  
  
"Shut the hell up and don't talk to me," Sanzo all but yelled. At least it was one of the longer sentences he had said to him all day.  
  
"Then I'll bring you up food," he said, not really one to give up, and walked out the door. He saw Gojyo walk out of the room he was sharing with Hakkai.  
  
"Where's Hakkai?" Goku asked the red headed hanyou. Gojyo just shrugged and put a cigarette to his mouth.   
  
"Went to sleep early," he lied and they both knew it. Like Sanzo, Hakkai never went to sleep when it rained. Wordlessly, they walked to the dining area to get food for themselves and their roommates. They ordered, and again, wordlessly, walked to their rooms, food in hand.   
  
"Sanzo, I got you some food." No answer. It wasn't as if he was expecting one anyway, though it would have been nice. "You know you should have some thing to eat, it's not healthy," Goku tried.  
  
"Damn stupid monkey. Just leave me alone," Sanzo said calmly, still not looking at him. Taken back, but not defeated, Goku tried again.  
  
"How about you eat something, then I'll be quiet for the rest of the night," Goku compromised with a smile and took an apple off the plate. He walked over to Sanzo and handed him the fruit, not expecting him to take it, which he didn't. Instead, the monk stood up sharply to face him.   
  
"Don't you get it?! I don't want you near me. I never wanted you near me. I want you to go away. I want you to never come back. I don't ever want to see you again!" Sanzo yelled, he took the offered apple and threw it passed his head. Goku blinked, and then blinked again. To be blunt, he was hurt. It took all his courage to look the monk in the eyes. Those deep violet eyes, so filled with pain and anger and… was the hatred he saw? Hatred for him? He heart felt as if it had broken in many little pieces, and then the pieces stepped on and burned.  
  
So, Goku, the stubborn witty monkey, who never gave up, had finally given up. Calmly, but painfully, he turned his back and walked out of the room. Only when the door was closed, did he fall out into an all out sprint. Running out of the inn and into the poring rain.   
  
#  
  
They both were laying on their separate beds, just staring at the ceiling, when they heard Sanzo's outburst and seconds latter, running footsteps. They didn't have to see it, to know what happened. Still, they did nothing. What could they do? Beat the monk senseless until he realized the feelings Goku carried for him? Well, actually, that wasn't such a bad idea.   
  
"Gojyo," the quiet voice of Hakkai said from his bed. It was at times like these that he could let at least part of his emotional guard down.  
  
"Hum?" he turned his head to look at the green eyed angel.   
  
"Would you ever want me to go away?" A stupid question, yes, but he wanted to know.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?" the hanyou asked, sitting up.   
  
"I was just wondering if you wouldn't want me near you," he looked over at the now standing Gojyo.  
  
"What the hell kind of question is that?!" he asked, annoyed the Hakkai would ever ask such a thing.  
  
"Because you're the closet living thing to my heart now, and I don't know what I would do if I lost you," Hakkai finished as Gojyo sat on his bed next to his laying form.   
  
"I would never, ever, want you to leave," the red head said and leaned down so that they're faces were a mere three inches apart. "Why would you think that?" he asked seriously.   
  
"It's just that I don't want to be alone again. I don't want to feel like I've failed again," Hakkai said, gazing into the fiery red eyes.   
  
"Don't worry," Gojyo started and let his lips brush over Hakkai's. It was a small, chaste kiss, but caring non the less. "I never what you to leave me." Any thoughts of being rejected didn't show, but it didn't mean they weren't there.  
  
"I'm glad," Hakkai smiled, it was a true smile, for his emerald eyes were smiling as well. At that, thoughts of being rejected were lost, and he brought the man into a tight embrace.  
  
"Don't you ever think about leaving me," Gojyo whispered in his neck and laid on the bed, taking Hakkai with him and holding him tightly.   
  
#  
  
Sanzo just stared at the closed door. What had possessed him to say those words? Granted the heretic got on his nerves, but he had never verbally lased out at him like that. Finally he sat in the chair again to look out the window. In the distance, he bearly saw Goku through the rain. He looked so hurt, as if he lost something important to him. Sanzo didn't really mean all of what he said. Goku knew that he didn't really want him to leave…right?   
  
"Keh, like I care anyway," he said and took out another cigarette. Though, after lighting it, he looked out the window and saw that Goku's figure was gone. A panicked chill went through his spine. Did the monkey actually believe him? Was he really leaving? Sanzo looked out the window intently, trying to find him, however, his poor human eye site wouldn't let him. Right then and there, as much as he didn't like admitting it, he realized that he wanted Goku near him. Over the years, and against his will, he had grown quite attached to the heretic. It pained him to even think about what life would be like with out Goku around him. Despite his constant annoyance, Goku was, ironically, the only one who kept him at least half sane. The lose of Koumyou had sent him to the brink of madness and suicide. He knew that losing someone else close to him, wasn't a good idea for any one.   
  
"Damit all to hell," Sanzo sighed in fustration. Standing up, he threw the half smoked cigarette out the window and walked out the door. Stopping at the door to the inn, only momentarily looking at the slowing rain. He noticed that he sun was starting to rise. "To hell with it," he said again and walked out the door to find his monkey.   
  
#  
  
Goku sat on a giant hill over looking the small town with his knees to his chest and his head resting on them. He didn't even care about he rain saturating him to the bone. Nor did he care when he heard Sanzo walking up behind him. He chose to ignore the monk as he got closer.   
  
"What the hell are you doing out here in the rain?" No answer. Well, big surprise there, Sanzo thought. "I asked you a question, and I expect you to answer it." Now, if that wasn't hypocritical, nothing else was. He was only a foot away from the other, and from where he was standing, it looked as if Goku was sleeping. However, seeing the said monkey sigh deeply, quickly drove away those suspicions.   
  
"Sanzo, why do you hate me?" Goku's muffled voice said. "I mean, I know I'm annoying and childish at times, but why?" Sanzo was completely taken back. Goku thought he hated him? In fact, it was quiet the opposite.   
  
"What gave you that idea?!" Sanzo tried to sound firm, but failed miserably. Finally Goku looked up to meet his gaze. Even through the rain, he could tell that he was crying. Could his words have hurt that much?   
  
"Why did you come here, if you don't want me near you?" Goku asked bitterly. Sighing, Sanzo sat next to him not caring about the mud and dirt he was sitting on.   
  
"I didn't meant that," he said, but made sure his tone wasn't too soft. "It's just that the rain reminds me of some one I lost long ago."  
  
"Like that's as excuse," Goku said, still bitter. Well, he should have expected that.   
  
"Look, Goku-"  
  
"You don't understand," Goku said grimly and look ahead of him. The rain was now a slow drizzle and spots of light blue could be seen from the horizon. "You will never understand."   
  
"Understand what?!" Sanzo was starting to get annoyed. Riddles like these were meant to come from Hakkai, not Goku.   
  
"Exactly, you don't understand people." Now Sanzo was starting to get angry with him again. Here he was, in the rain no less, trying to apologies to him, something the great arrogant Sanzo never does.   
  
"Make sense, monkey."  
  
"You don't understand people's feelings, you don't understand my feelings." The rain had now completely stopped, she the sun was just starting to rise. All angry thoughts suddenly vanished to be replaced with confusion.   
  
"How do you feel?" The question came out with out him even thinking.   
  
"I love you Sanzo," Goku said with out thinking. He didn't care any way. Sanzo hated him, so why not tell the monk how he felt, he did asked didn't he? "But you don't care. You're just going to tell me that I'm stupid, hit me with your fan, and then walk away," he finished.   
  
"Goku." Truthfully, he didn't know what to say. He knew that the heretic cared for him, but loved him? Love was too strong a word to be used lightly, and they all knew it.  
  
"Now, if you'll excuse me. I would like to watch the sun rise in peace." Peace his ass, Goku thought to him self. He sat and waited for Sanzo to stand and leave, however, the retreating footsteps were never heard. Instead, Goku felt him self being pulled into the monk's lap. It was such an unlike Sanzo thing to do.   
  
"Goku you're right," he said quietly. "I may not understand how you feel, but in time, I will."  
  
"Sanzo?" Goku was confused to say the least. Didn't Sanzo not like him?  
  
"Just be quiet for once," Sanzo whispered and put his arms around the shivering Goku. Together, they watched the sun finally rise.   
  



End file.
